Jan 1 ~ I had to get out of the house and be alone for awhile today!
I went and bought some new clothes, etc. So far I had been doing really well with no depression. I think breastfeeding
helps a little with it so that is good. But the past few days I have felt like maybe it is sneaking up on me again.
For awhile after Katelyn's birth I was actually able to talk myself out of feeling stressed and overwhelmed (which was hard
to do even before I was pregnant!), but lately it is more difficult. I am really against resorting to medication...I
took some for awhile when I had really bad post-partum depression after Natalie's birth, and I didn't like the side effects. I
think everything is going to be okay this time around. After my first baby I couldn't function at all - couldn't eat,
lost weight way too quickly, couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight at all - this time is completely different...and for
that I am so grateful! Ran across this verse, Psalm 77:1-14, recently &
wanted to write it down: "I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When
I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered
you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my
spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has
his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?" Then
I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes,
I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways,
O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among
the peoples."
Craig is really wanting to get back to work to finish some things there. But he does still have two weeks paid
paternity leave coming to him, so I'd really like him to at least use some of it now (he has six months to use it all).
I just really could use the help - and I'd feel so much better having the extra time with just us as a family.
It is strange trying to get used to having two kids now. I think it is going to take quite awhie to warm up
to it. I've always heard that going from one to two children is the hardest. And Katelyn seems to be so much more
sensitive and needy than Nat was as a newborn. She cries a lot more and wants to be held the whole time she is awake.
Not sure how I'm going to manage even getting basic needs taken care of for everyone. I am a little back and forth on
the breastfeeding. I do enjoy the bonding time and seeing the milk that I produced flowing out of the corners of my
daughter's mouth...and the silly, sweet little "drunken grin" she gets when she finishes :) But lately she will cry
in the middle of a feeding (whether bottle or breast) and flail her arms and arch her back. And she seems so gassy.
Don't know if it's colic, acid reflux, allergy, or just plain normal. I guess we'll just have to keep going a little
longer and see how it plays out. I just feel bad when she's not happy.
Then lately I feel guilt and sadness about Natalie. I miss the closeness we had and the
time we used to have to spend together. I've been told it will get better, but it is just so hard. I love both
my girls so much and want to give them all the individual time that I can.
Then I also feel bad because of the messy house. I know it's not that important right
now - it is just stressful to look at. We have all these new things we got for Christmas and I can't even get them put
away.
I know everything will eventually calm down and get better soon...
Jan 2 ~ Craig stayed home today with Katelyn so I could do some fun
stuff with Nat. We went to the Children's Museum, ate lunch, and played in the play area at the mall. It felt
wonderful! Natalie is having a lot of problems with pouting, whining, sharing, obeying...you name it. I really hope
we can get her back on track again soon. I know it has been hard on her with the birth of the baby and the holiday madness.
It was great hearing Nattie say today "MaMa, I love you!". If she only truly knew just how much I love her back :)
Ran into Jenny Davenport at the play area. She was there with her two kids. She was saying that even now that
her kids are one year and three years old, she still thinks it is so hard to find balance.
Natalie is such a good sister! She so desperately wants to hug on and touch Katie all
the time. It's just that Kate is still so small and reacts so sensitively to everything. Nat has a hard time understanding
it all. I hate when I have to tell her no. She is so loving.
**Oh...I totally forgot to mention one thing that happened back in December!
Ashley Williamson had her baby boy, Dylan Michael, on December 17th and Steffany had her baby girl, Jillian Cassidy, on December
18th. So on the 18th we all gathered in Ashley's hospital room with our second babies! It was the strangest most
surreal feeling to all be standing there with second babies all born within a week of each other! Even stranger when
Steffany reminded us that not too long ago we were all sitting around a table at Hearts In Touch saddened by the fact that
we couldn't get pregnant! It is stuff like that I need to remember on those trying days ahead with my two beautiful
girls! GOD IS GOOD!!
~~ Lord, just be with our family as we travel this new road together.
Help us to be kind to one another and remain a team. Help us not to take for granted all that we have through you.
Please remain by our side and give us wisdom and patience and endurance. Amen ~~
Jan 3 ~ I talked with Ashley Williamson on the phone about how things
are going and such. Sounds like she is probably having a lot of the same experiences I am having as a new mom. It's
funny - I say "new mom" as if I've never done this before - but really, it feels so different so yes, it's almost as if I've
never had a baby this young. Strange. I am praying that God will just stay near me during the difficult times
without the need for medication and the side effects that go with it.
So Ashley hadn't been out of the house alone with the two kids yet (neither had I). Craig
had the great idea of having her start small by just coming over here to hang out for awhile. So Ashley, her three year
old Jake, and newborn Dylan came by for a few hours to play. Natalie was so happy to see Jake once again!
Natalie just amazes me when it comes to her social skills. She is so good and so eager
at making friends! She is always trying to strike up a conversation with other little kids. In fact, I watch her
and it hurts my heart when she tries to make a friend and the other child blows her off or is rude to her. It kills
me inside.
Jan 5 ~ Craig took Brigit to the vet today. She has been doing
strange things like snapping her teeth at imaginary flies for awhile now. I had read on the internet that behavior like
that could mean an ear infection or possibly something more serious like epilepsy. The doctor says her ears and eyes
are fine. They took blood to do tests for tumors, etc.
My Hearts In Touch mentor mom, Sally Wolinsky, came by the house today. We chatted for
a bit. She brought over some really thoughtful gifts for the girls and some yummy cookies!
Jan 6 ~ Today we went to JCPenneys in Cedar Rapids for pictures -
family pics and Katelyn's one month pics. What an ordeal! I'm glad we got Kate's pictures out of the way first,
because she got fussy pretty quickly. She was dressed all in white and then decided it was time to poop right as her
photos were being shot - luckily the diaper didn't leak any further than just her onesie! Family pictures were really
a tough task trying to get all four of us to smile for the camera at the same moment. But we ended up with a few nice
photos, so all is well.
Jan 8 ~ Craig goes back to work tomorrow. I am so glad that
he decided to take a week of paternity leave to spend time with me and the girls! I am both nervous and up for
the challenge! I just have to keep my mind straight and remember that I can't do it all...that the three major
things are that we are all kept clean, fed, and loved. I also have to remember that Nat is only three years old and Kate is
only a newborn and that I can't expect them to act any older than they are.
~~ Lord, I so much just want to be a good wife, mother, and Christian woman. Please
help me in making our home a peaceful, warm refuge. Help me love my family the way they deserve - help me
to take care of their needs as well as my own. It is my desire that my husband and children know they are special
to me. Thank you for the gift of my family! Amen. ~~
Jan 10 ~ Moncia Neil brought over a meal today which was greatly appreciated!
Craig went back to work yesterday and it has been a challenge for me to juggle the two kids and also keep from getting
overwhelmed. It is difficult for me to feel I am having a "successful" day when all I seem to accomplish is getting
everyone dressed, fed and changed. That takes up most of the day - but I suppose for a stay-at-home mom that is considered
"success" and I need to think of it in that way. When Kate gets a little older we will have time for other activities.
Tonight I also went back to choir. It was heaven! :) To get out of the house
for awhile to do something I love while knowing it is pleasing to the Lord as well is just awesome. And it was
wonderful to be welcomed back so warmly after the birth.
Jan 12 ~ Mom and Dad Essington came out for the weekend to visit and
to also watch the girls for us on Saturday. Tonight we all went to House of Lords for dinner. Natalie had trouble
sitting still and Katie was cranky, but I think it was still a good time.
Jan 13 ~ Tonight was the Pearson holiday party. Craig and
I met up with Brian and Shawn Pierce at Buffalo Wild Wings beforehand. It was nice to just relax for a bit. Karen
McRoberts talked with me at the party and told me that I looked pretty good for having a baby only a month ago -
so that made me feel excellent. She also told me about how she used to work as a social worker and just how many bad
moms she came across - moms that couldn't have cared less about their kids and did horrible things to them and definitely
did not love them. Her point being that I'm a really good mother and I love my children dearly - and as long as Craig
and I shower them with love and they are aware that they are loved, then they will turn out fine. It was really nice
to hear.
Jan 14 ~ We were all going to go to church this morning, but
it was so icy out and couldn't get out of the driveway very well. Plus we were already running way behind as it
was. It actually started snowing in the afternoon - it hasn't snowed all winter. Natalie was VERY excited
to see the white stuff coming down. She has been wanting to make snow angels for months now!
Jan 15 ~ This morning we all went with Craig's parents to
the Amanas for breakfast. Because of the weather there was hardly anyone eating at the Brickhaus. So it was
neat to be served so quickly.
After we got home we took Natalie outside to play in the snow. Daddy pulled her really
fast in the sled and made snow angels with her! She had a blast!
It has been said that children have different "love languages" - ways that make them feel
most loved. I really do think that one of Nat's love languages is just doing things together. She loves spending
time with her Mom and Dad and others. That's probably why she's been acting out so much lately - because we don't
spend as much time together as we used to. She displayed some really awful behavior over the past weekend in front
of us and her grandparents. Like refusing to sit in her seat at the table and in the car, talking back, and not following
directions. She had quite a few spankings from her Daddy - and it breaks my heart every time even though I know it is
necessary and we do it out of love. It has been decided among both Craig and myself and most of our friends with kids,
that it is not the "terrible twos" ...it is the "terrible threes". Three year olds need so much guidance and
discipline - it seems like they are constantly trying to be in control and test the limits.
Jan 16 ~ Sheryl Moreland from my Hearts In Touch group brought by
a meal today and it was very good!
Jan 17 ~ Katelyn slept very well last night and I was lucky to get
some pretty good sleep myself. I've pretty much decided to take her off the breast as of today. While I did love
the closeness of breastfeeding at times - she just doesn't seem to be satisfied with it, loves to use it as a pacifier, and
now also plays with it quite a bit. But I am so thrilled that I got the chance this time to really breastfeed!
I attended my first Hearts In Touch meeting since having Katie. I thought getting up two
hours prior would give me plenty of time to get myself and both girls out the door - I was wrong. I ended up being almost
thirty minutes late. When I arrived I was happy to find that they hadn't started the topic yet, but disappointed to
find that not one girl showed up from my group. And all the other groups seemed pretty full. I spoke with Amy
Smellie afterwards and I explained how I wasn't sure I should even bother continuing my group this year. Hardly anyone
ever shows up - and with me being so busy with my kids I don't feel I can adequately lead. I don't know - I should have
followed my gut feeling I had at the beginning of the year and just skipped leading this year. It was probably a bad
idea knowing I was starting the year out very pregnant and ending it with two small children. I am considering taking
a break from leading next year...I'll still come to meetings and help out on the hospitality end of things...then maybe I
can pick it back up again and lead another year down the road.
Jan 18 ~ The kids slept horribly last night - so of course I did as
well. I woke up feeling so unbelievably tired and depressed. Finally was able to get out the door and took the
girls with me to the mall. Natalie played in the play area, then we grabbed some dinner and watched hockey practice
over at the ice rink. Natalie says she wants to play hockey like the big kids!
Craig had basketball league tonight. Then he stopped by the store and bought lots of groceries
which was really helpful.
Jan 20 ~ I sang in church services tonight. Craig and the girls
came for the first service and then stayed for Family Connection while I sang the second service. It looked like Natalie
had a really good time - they had singing and dancing and also a clown, popcorn, and balloons tonight.
Jan 21 ~ Katelyn and I were supposed to attend the Infant Massage
class at Mercy Hospital the past few Sundays. But it has been canceled twice due to weather.
Jan 22 ~ There was a Hearts In Touch leaders meeting today.
We talked about how our small groups are getting along and how to improve some things for next year. My group is basically
non-existent now...there are even some Wednesdays when nobody shows besides me and my mentor mom. So we've decided to
combine with another small group for the rest of the year. Someone brought up a good point today - that in my group
there aren't any ladies there who were already friends before joining - usually there are some gals who are already friends.
So maybe that is why there was really no connection this year. Jill Brown was at the meeting with her son, Sam - he
and Natalie had a great time together.
Jan 23 ~ Natalie had her yearly dentist appointment today. She
did so awesome! She sat really still and opened wide while getting her teeth cleaned and checked.
Craig also had a doctor appointment today. He told me yesterday that his arm was feeling
numb - he had also said a few days ago that his heart was beating a little strange. So I insisted he go in for a check-up
today. They said it probably wasn't heart related, but maybe related to his chronic back problems. He will most
likely do some more physical therapy and have another MRI done.
Jan 25 ~ The girls and I went over to Laura Schafbuch's house for
a playdate in the evening. Craig was at basketball and Laura's husband, Bob, was out of town on business. It was
wonderful hanging out for awhile with Laura and the kids. Laura thinks (and I agree) that the Essington, Schafbuch,
Caylor families should get together at each other's homes and order take out more often.
Jan 26 ~ Tonight we hosted Family Game Night at our house. We
had a FULL house with all the families, kids, and new babies. But it was a lot of fun! We didn't really get around
to playing any games this time around, but did enjoy food and company.
Jan 28 ~ Katelyn and I had our first Infant Massage class together
over at Mercy Hospital. I was surprised to find that Katelyn was the youngest baby attending...she fit the age requirement
that they had posted...just happened that the other babies were older. I was hoping the infant massage would help with
her problems lately with crankiness, gas, sensitivity, etc. But so far she doesn't seem to like it. She cried
quite a bit and I spent most of the class either in the hallway consoling her or with her asleep in my arms as I watched everyone
else practice the techniques.
While we were in class, Craig took Natalie to the movie theatre to see Charlotte's Web.
They had a really nice time together, and Katelyn and I met them at the mall afterwards.
Jan 29 ~ Well, Natalie will be starting preschool here in just a few
days! I had heard through a few friends that one of the preschools was adding a Tues/Thurs class for mainly three year
olds. They start next Thursday. Natalie and I visited the preschool today - Prince of Peace Christian Preschool over
at Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Coralville. I have debated so much about this. I honestly did not intend
or want to send her to preschool this soon...but she asks about going to school and wants to play with friends...and now with
the baby here I am finding it difficult to find time to do activities with her and help her make friends. And kindergarten
seems so far off for her since she can't attend until she is six years old...she seems ready for a little something right
now. It is only two days a week in the mornings for three hours. She really loved visiting today - we stayed for
circle time and play time. So we've decided to try it out since it is only from February thru May. Her friend,
Jake Williamson, will also be in her class.
Jan 30 ~ Katelyn started a medication today for acid reflux called
Zantac (they have it in liquid form for babies). After doing a little research I suspected she had reflux...and after
calling the doctor and explaining her symptoms they decided to try the medication. Because of the reflux she gags and
makes awful faces as if she has a bad taste in her mouth. Plus she has been crying a lot lately in strange little spurts
and is not eating very well. Hopefully this will help her. She takes it every twelve hours - it is really nasty
tasting stuff so I mix it in her bottle. The doctor says she'll probably stay on it until nine months at minimum...then
maybe at that point the condition will improve when she starts eating regular food. But I also know children who have
stayed on it through four years of age...so who knows. **update:
A few weeks after being on Zantac, Kate was switched to Axid. It is similar, but I think ended up being cheaper or something.**
** Thought I'd write about what the girls are up to lately. Just a list of
random things I want to remember :)
Katelyn -
~ She seems to be doing a little better as far as the gassiness and crankiness. For awhile she really seemed to
be hurting, but it appears to be improving.
~ Is also sleeping better at night for the most part, but not so good during the day. She doesn't seem to enjoy
sleeping in the crib yet, but eventually I'd like her to nap there like Natalie did when she was an infant. Right now
she sleeps in the bassinet or in bed with us during the night, and during the day she sleeps in the bouncer or swing.
~ Is taking the bottle really well eating three to four ounces each time.
~ Is becoming more and more alert. Comments from people most of the time are about how alert she is, how pretty
she is, how big she is, and how much she looks like Craig!
~ Her eyes are big and wide and she smiles once in awhile.
~ Seems to recognize our voices.
~ Starting to make little coos and noises and I just love it!
~ Follows us around the room with her eyes.
~ Notices her hands and feet more.
~ Excellent neck control, but not the biggest fan of tummy time!
~ Loves her two soft blankets (pink and white ones).
~ Does not like having her clothes changed or face washed.
Natalie -
~ As I stated before, she is still having a lot of behavior issues. But I think I am seeing improvement.
She very much wants to be independent and be in control of everything. She always has to push the limit.
So Craig and I are trying to work on discipline that will work for her without breaking her spirit too much. Because
one of her good qualities is that independence.
~ Still very social and high energy and retains so much information.
~ Still loves books and babydolls and pretend play. She plays "mommy" a lot and has a really healthy attitude
when she does - so that makes me feel good thinking that we aren't necessarily disciplining her wrong or anything like that.
~ Loves to help others when she can.
~ Has two dolls she carries around lately that she has named "Unicorn" and "Waukie" (no idea where she came up with those
names). She was playing doctor with a babydoll recently and was saying "Push! Push!". She says that is how you
get the baby to come out!
~ Her speech just blows my mind! Her sentences are so lengthy and clear.
~ She is still constantly singing and dancing!
~ Knows her birthday is in the month of October.
~ She says that spring comes after winter and that we go swimming in the summer.
~ Says her name is "Natalie Ann Essington E-S-S" - I guess she's heard me spell it out quite a few times!
~ She says that sea turtles lay eggs in nests and then go to the ocean with the whales.
~ Her knew thing to build with the blocks is "a big wall".
~ Natalie says that daddies go to work and mommies go to choir.
~ Is always repeating lines from her favorite books and shows. Like from the show Dragon Tales she says
"I wish, I wish to use this rhyme to go back home until next time."
~ Favorite TV shows right now are Dragon Tales, Charlie and Lola, Curious George,
and Dora the Explorer.
~ Favorite movie right now is Barbie in The Twelve Dancing Princesses.
~ Favorite songs right now consist mainly of the praise and worship music I play in the car to prepare for choir,
Return to Pooh Corner, and You Are My Sunshine.
~ Favorite toys right now are her dolls, play-doh, Little People, and her 24 piece Pooh puzzle - she can do it all
by herself!
~ Favorite books right now are If You Give a Pig a Pancake and If You Give a Moose a Muffin.
